How to Survive Heartbreak as a Man

Breakups are tough—there’s no sugarcoating it, Heartbreak is one of the toughest challenges life throws at you. Whether it came out of the blue or you saw it coming, the end of a relationship can leave you feeling lost, frustrated, and just plain hurt. But the good news? You can get through this. Here’s how I survived my most recent breakup and how I came out stronger on the other side.

Before I get into this I wanted you to know that the world isn’t over… It doesn’t matter if you’re going through a breakup that happened a few days ago or 6 months ago, I know how you feel, I’ve been there and I’ve never experienced pain like it. Although it seems like the end of the world (it felt like mine, especially since I caused it), you will get through it, it just takes time and taking the right steps which I will outline some of the most important below.

1. Let Yourself Feel the Emotions

First things first—don’t bottle it up. A lot of guys try to act like they’re fine after a breakup, but pretending you’re okay when you’re not is only going to make things worse later on. It’s totally normal to feel a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay.

• Cry if you need to: Crying doesn’t make you weak—it’s a natural release, and sometimes it’s the only thing that will help. As a man I know this can be a hard thing to do, every ounce of your body will try to hold it back, I did the same. It’s fine if you would rather do it in private, as long as you let yourself cry, it really does help. Alone in your room, with a therapist or out in public like I did (I really didn’t care at that point who saw!) It doesn’t matter how, just as long as you actually let yourself cry.
• Talk to someone: Find a close friend, a sibling, or even a therapist to talk things through. Sometimes just getting it all out helps lighten the emotional load. It’s important not to rely too much on friends and family, there is only so much they’re willing to hear before it starts to wear on them as well. This is why therapists exist, they’re literally paid to listen to you so you can get everything off your chest. Do not worry about repeating yourself, you need to. I repeated myself more than I cared to count during my breakup.

2. Avoid Numbing the Pain

It’s tempting to drown your feelings in booze, cigarettes or distractions, but numbing the pain will just delay the healing. Sure, a drink or two with friends can take the edge off, but don’t let it turn into a habit as this will make you feel so much worse.

• Avoid dating for a while: Jumping into something new right away might feel like the solution, but it’s usually just a temporary fix. Give yourself some space before diving back into the dating pool. You’ll only end up delaying the healing process and hurting someone else who doesn’t deserve it in the process.
• Don’t bury your feelings: Avoid pretending like you’re fine when you’re really not. Ignoring your emotions will only make things harder later on. Avoid vices when you feel down such as alcohol, nicotine and simple things such as laying in bed all day watching TV. Get out there, even if just for a walk, you need to occupy your mind with healthy distractions when you have processed your emotions.

3. Rediscover Yourself

After a breakup, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself—especially if you were in a long-term relationship. Now’s the time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship.

• Get back to your hobbies: Did you stop playing guitar, drawing, or gaming as much while you were in the relationship? Now’s the perfect time to dive back into those activities that make you feel like you.
• Set some personal goals: Use this time to focus on areas you may have let slide. You don’t have to rush into this as you may struggle with motivation during this time but have a think from day to day on new things you would like to try. Maybe it’s your career, fitness, or a side project—now’s the time to invest in yourself.

4. Break Your Normal Routine

• Consider Travelling: This is something I put off while in my relationship and is one of the most helpful actions I took during my healing process. After me and my ex ended I booked a month-long group tour in SE Asia. I met some of the most amazing people ever during this trip and made me practically almost forget about my ex. If there is one thing I would say that helped me the most during this period of my life, it was this. Perhaps you want to travel abroad and getting out of your typical day-to-day routine is essential in my opinion.
• Move location: Perhaps you’ve been tied to your current location because of your relationship. If possible and desirable why not move? Look for new jobs, jobs you couldn’t have taken while in your relationship. Have an EU passport? Why not debate moving country if you have no dependencies now?

5. Lean on Your Support System

You don’t have to go through this alone. Don’t feel like you need to “man up” and deal with it in isolation—lean on the people who care about you, but don’t overdo it, there are only so many times they can hear the same story over and over again.

• Reach out to your friends: Don’t be afraid to call up a buddy, even if it’s just to hang out or vent. Your friends are there to support you, they don’t mind! I called up a mate I hadn’t spoken to in years and it was a great milestone in my healing process to chat with an old friend.
• Join a support group: There are groups out there specifically for guys dealing with breakups or tough life situations. Talking with people who understand what you’re going through can make a world of difference. Take theyoungmansguide.com, this is why we are here, to help guys exactly like you navigate the trials and tribulations of life as a man! You’re not alone in this!
• Consider therapy: If you’re really struggling, therapy can be a huge help. It’s an amazing outlet to get things off your chest, to work through your emotions and get some perspective on the situation. Before my breakup, I always thought therapy was for other people. Little did I know how much I needed it and how much it helped. Do not be afraid to ask for help, many employers nowadays have support programs for times like these and in some cases will even provide paid therapy sessions.

6. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

Taking care of your physical health can help improve your mental well-being, too. It sounds simple, but exercise, sleep, and eating well are huge mood boosters.

• Get moving: Exercise is one of the best ways to lift your mood. Whether it’s hitting the gym, going for a run, going for a walk in the forest or playing a sport, getting active releases endorphins, which help you feel better.
• Eat well: It’s tempting to turn to comfort food, but a balanced diet will help stabilize your mood and energy levels.
• Sleep: Make sure you’re getting enough rest. Lack of sleep only makes everything feel worse. Sleeping may be a struggle if you’re still in the early stages of the breakup. A great YouTuber who really helped me sleep as I listened to his advice was MouthOfTheApe.
• Mindfulness and meditation: If you’re into it, mindfulness or meditation can help you stay present and avoid getting stuck in negative thoughts.
• Journaling: Similar to medication, it may not be for everyone, however, I highly recommend giving it a try regardless, it’s a great way to get your thoughts and feelings onto paper. This will help your brain process your emotions much better and will improve your mood dramatically.

7. Accept What Happened and Reflect

It’s easy to get stuck thinking about what went wrong or how things could have been different, but the key to moving on is accepting that the relationship has ended.

• Don’t beat yourself up: Relationships end for all kinds of reasons, and it’s rarely just one person’s fault. Learn from the experience, but don’t dwell on mistakes. I write this as someone who blamed themselves heavily for the breakup. I know it takes two to tango and there were aspects on both sides that caused my breakup. If you are a mature enough person who can accept your part in the breakup if applicable, you’re already a much stronger person and I’m proud of you. It’s not easy to accept responsibility.
• Look for the lessons: What did the relationship teach you about yourself? About what you want in the future? Every relationship, even the painful ones, offers valuable lessons. Take this breakup for what it is and ensure that you become the best you can be for the next one.
• Forgive and let go: Whether you need to forgive yourself, your ex, or both, holding onto anger or guilt will only keep you stuck. It’s normal to be angry at your ex and I’m not going to sit here and say don’t be, you’ll go through a wide range of emotions during this time, some valid, some not. As time heals, however, understand when it’s time to let go and how holding on to any anger will only hurt yourself.

8. Embrace This as a Time for Growth

As painful as breakups can be, they’re also an opportunity for growth. You can come out of this stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what you want in life. Many compromises were no doubt made by both parties in this relationship. Now is the time to take back those compromises and start a new life!

• Shift your mindset: Instead of focusing on what you lost, think about what you’ve gained. Breakups can be a chance to reconnect with yourself and figure out what you want moving forward.
• Practice gratitude: Even during tough times, focusing on what you’re grateful for—friends, family, new opportunities—can help shift your perspective. I became a lot closer with my family, and my own emotions after heartbreak.
• Become a new man: Become a new and better you, who cares what anyone thinks anymore, go out there and take life by the horns! Life is so short, don’t waste any more time than you need to.

Conclusion

Breakups are tough. In my own personal experience, it’s the single hardest thing I have ever been through. Nothing has torn me down more, made me show my raw self to others and made me question everything other than heartbreak. It’s honestly something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

At the same time, it’s the same event which made me appreciate everything I had, everything I could do, everything I had coming in life. It made me more adventurous, I travelled the world, started my own business, doubled my salary by changing jobs, and moved to a new part of the country where I made amazing new friends and experienced new things. It’s the best and worst thing ever to happen to me. Strange sentence I know. On top of all that I’ve learnt more about relationships than I ever could and I look forward to my next one.

As I’ve stated above, this is going to be a rocky road and it may feel right now like you’re going to feel like this forever… Take it from me, you won’t. It does get better, trust me, if I can do it, then so can you!

I’ll finish this article with one of my favourite quotes by Seneca:

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

If you want to get in touch with me regarding any questions you have, feel free to comment on this article below or reach out to me via the various contact methods on this website such as my email [email protected] or via Instagram

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